He holds his breath when she takes her first bite, like he's waiting for a kaiju to pop out of the goddamn ocean or something, that's totally how fucking major of a moment this feels right now because nobody deserves to be deprived of candy canes during the holiday season and especially not at a Christmas party.

"Good," he says through a sigh of relief, "I was kind of worried that I'd built it up too much, y'know? I hate when that happens, that's exactly what happened when that Matthew Broderick version of Godzilla came out, and my dad kept telling me how great it was going to be so I was all excited, and I was like, eight years old, and it turned out that it was the opposite of great, it was the worst."

He's not still bitter about it nearly three decades later, though, definitely not.