Sometimes I wish I could tel Allison that she thinks far better of me than I am. There's much that's been said and not been said that makes it clear to me that she carries so much admiration and adoration for the people she holds dear. For her father, for Scott, for Lydia, they're deserved. For me, they aren't.

"I believe it as much as you believe in your family's creed." Sometimes the words give me strength and sometimes they are chains. "But there are times when I wish I believed it more. Maybe I'd be braver when it counts."

Maybe I wouldn't be haunted by the visions produced by the fear serum that had formed the base of my training. It doesn't matter that it's hypocritical to what I've just asserted, but it's easy to see the best in someone else and the failings in myself.