In a way it's not necessarily any more contact than we'd had while lying on our sides but the words we've exchanged, the feelings, are what make this moment so intimate. Our hands are still linked and Allison's staring into me with a gaze that's soft, but still searching. I don't believe there's anything to be found for me, but maybe that's not what matters. It's what Allison thinks she finds.

I'm glad for the dark that softens the blush I know is mantling my cheeks. I can feel the heat off of her skin and it sends sparks along my nerves, as if she can read my mind and strip me down to my bones.

I don't know what she expects me to find in her or if it's the same as what I see. In Allison there's more strength and courage than I'll ever see in myself. She's suffered so many losses and stayed strong despite them all. Her hands hold a bow with determination where a gun still sends tears down my cheeks. Allison is composed, dignified.

When she leads her family, it will be with grace and a wind of change.

The thought of leading mine fills me, simply, with terror.