[She's wrong about it being okay for Allison to feel, to think she's even that normal. She's not in a position to want anything for herself, and she hasn't been in a long time. Coming aboard the ship, serving as a Warden for Stiles...and, if she's truly honest with herself, for Scott, too...it's the only bit of selfishness she can allow herself because it serves the greater good. She wants what must be done, and it's only a happy coincidence.
Those moments when what she must do are the same as what she wants to do are few and far between.
Still, Lydia doesn't understand that, but she does understand hiding weaknesses like this: feeling, wanting, hurting.
She hasn't earned it. She won't have earned her place until she saves Stiles, one great life for the countless lives she's wrecked...but she's with Lydia, and they're alone, and for her, Lydia will forget if Allison is weak for one moment.
Lydia is strong...strong enough for both of them, at least for this one moment.
So Allison's features crumble as she turns her head, pressing it solidly against Lydia's shoulder. Soon, her shoulders start to shake a little, and very quickly, the shoulder of Lydia's blouse grows damp with tears.
She doesn't make a sound, she can't let herself be that weak...but she lets herself cry these silent tears of regret so she can put this brief moment of pain behind her. She lets Lydia hold her as she cuts this weakness out of herself, lancing it like an infected wound so it can heal.
At least until the next time longing and loneliness poison it again.]
BFF Spam!
Those moments when what she must do are the same as what she wants to do are few and far between.
Still, Lydia doesn't understand that, but she does understand hiding weaknesses like this: feeling, wanting, hurting.
She hasn't earned it. She won't have earned her place until she saves Stiles, one great life for the countless lives she's wrecked...but she's with Lydia, and they're alone, and for her, Lydia will forget if Allison is weak for one moment.
Lydia is strong...strong enough for both of them, at least for this one moment.
So Allison's features crumble as she turns her head, pressing it solidly against Lydia's shoulder. Soon, her shoulders start to shake a little, and very quickly, the shoulder of Lydia's blouse grows damp with tears.
She doesn't make a sound, she can't let herself be that weak...but she lets herself cry these silent tears of regret so she can put this brief moment of pain behind her. She lets Lydia hold her as she cuts this weakness out of herself, lancing it like an infected wound so it can heal.
At least until the next time longing and loneliness poison it again.]