That's just it, I...it's kind of not my choice. [Her eyes spill over, but there are no more sobs, just silent tears running down her cheeks as she stares at her own hands, wringing Duke's bandana between them.]
Lydia...Stiles...Scott...and Isa--Isaac...[She falters a little over his name, because she knows they all made deals to save her life, one way or another...but Isaac made that deal and that deal alone. Getting his deal won't keep her alive, his deal is to have her alive, period.
And she can feel the weight of it, of that devotion, with every breath she takes.]
Every single one of my friends is here to keep me alive...but that's not going to change anything, because they'll still remember. Have you ever heard the expression that death doesn't happen to you, it happens to everyone around you? It's true, you know. It rips open this hole in their eyes, one that never closes. Not if the one they love is alive and well, not if they know they'll be able to bring them back...
[She tucks herself a little closer to Duke, feeling suddenly cold.]
I didn't know what I was seeing when I got here. There was this horrible port beforehand, and I was so sure that someone had hurt my pack...I was ready to kill the one responsible. Only someone evil, someone with no soul could put that kind of emptiness and sorrow and constant pain into someone as good as my friends...and it was me.
[It's different, admitting it to another person, different from the night she found out, when it was all she could think of, all she could say. There's guilt and there's pain, there always is, but saying it out loud...
She turns her head into Duke's shoulder, screwing her face up against a fresh flood of tears, and the hot, miserable burn of raw shame that flushes her face.]
[spam]
Lydia...Stiles...Scott...and Isa--Isaac...[She falters a little over his name, because she knows they all made deals to save her life, one way or another...but Isaac made that deal and that deal alone. Getting his deal won't keep her alive, his deal is to have her alive, period.
And she can feel the weight of it, of that devotion, with every breath she takes.]
Every single one of my friends is here to keep me alive...but that's not going to change anything, because they'll still remember. Have you ever heard the expression that death doesn't happen to you, it happens to everyone around you? It's true, you know. It rips open this hole in their eyes, one that never closes. Not if the one they love is alive and well, not if they know they'll be able to bring them back...
[She tucks herself a little closer to Duke, feeling suddenly cold.]
I didn't know what I was seeing when I got here. There was this horrible port beforehand, and I was so sure that someone had hurt my pack...I was ready to kill the one responsible. Only someone evil, someone with no soul could put that kind of emptiness and sorrow and constant pain into someone as good as my friends...and it was me.
[It's different, admitting it to another person, different from the night she found out, when it was all she could think of, all she could say. There's guilt and there's pain, there always is, but saying it out loud...
She turns her head into Duke's shoulder, screwing her face up against a fresh flood of tears, and the hot, miserable burn of raw shame that flushes her face.]