22} writing wrongs with a brand new pen (i will not say goodbye)

[theresalwayshope]

((dated post-kid!flood))

[VIDEO;public]

[It's late in the morning when Allison finally clicks on her feed. She's dressed, made up, put together. She still manages to look fragile and pale...

And she's packed.

There's a small duffel beside her, she's got her jacket on, and Duchess's things are packed up beside her, including Duchess herself nestled in the dog bunny purse she procured for her in Amsterdam. She's sitting on her couch, she's rubbing her hands together, and her comm is propped up on the coffee table as she offers a wan smile.]

Hi. Me, all grown up again. That was...not as weird as being a guy, or Robin Hood. Or even a werewolf.

...anyway. I know what you're all thinking about me and the bags and stuff...look what happened the last time I left. This time, it's real. I'll be in my cabin another hour, I'll leave the comm open...then I'm gone. I need the time away, more than I ever did.

[She hesitates, lowering her gaze as her eyes glass over.]

Before I explain...I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies. Too many to name...I became a vampire, and I'm not going to allow myself to be excused for the things I did and the people I hurt. I want--I need you all to know how sorry I am for the thing I became.

And because I'm leaving right after this...because I can get some distance...I'm going to explain exactly why everything went down that way.

[Her voice shakes a little, her gaze still lowered. She stops to take Duchess out of her bag and put her in her lap. Duchess allows this, nestling contentedly atop her legs.]

Jerry came after me on the Mirror Barge. Not many people know what he did to me...what he's capable of...but his power was uncapped over there. He came after me, he fed me his blood...and he drank from me. His blood...it's like a paralytic, or a hypnotic. I couldn't move, couldn't scream, I don't...my memory of it is even sort of hazy. That and...um...a falling out with a friend of mine got me a little crazy, so I was gonna leave. Take a breath...make sure I didn't get myself demoted.

[She blinks hard, sniffing. Her voice cracks now and again as she continues.]

I was still packing my things when he caught me in a stairwell. I was...upset, not paying attention...I thought he was still in Zero, I was so out of it, you know? He, uh...he grabbed me, disarmed me...he drank my blood, again, and he turned me.

[She reaches up to brush a few silent tears from her face. She still can't look directly into the feed...until she takes a breath and finally lifts her head.]

The day I became human again, I killed him...and I saw the thing that will help me get my revenge. For me, for my friends...for everyone he's hurt.

Including himself. Because I saw him for a minute when he died, I saw his human face. Maybe even the man that spent a month aboard this ship, that left us the knowledge we needed to kill a vampire. This is my revenge: exposing him.

Somewhere in there, Jerry Dandridge is still human. I don't believe we can ever save him, I don't think we can ever completely trust him...but he can be helped. This is not altruism, this is revenge I'm talking about. And, maybe on a smaller scale, respect for the human that some of us weren't fortunate enough to get to know.

[She lowers her gaze again, only this time she's lifting a single wooden stake into the feed, one of the bunch that the mirror version of Jerry left for her.]

The Jerry Dandridge that may not be on board this ship anymore...but is still one of the best wardens we ever had. At least I think so.

So, while I'm taking a break...because I will be back...I'm the one saying this, so take it to heart.

Don't hurt Jerry. Don't let your guard down if he's not in Zero...and remember that living well is the best revenge.

Work on the problem while I'm away...let's all make sure that Jerry doesn't leave this ship until he's living well. Then we can all have our revenge.

[Setting Duchess back in her bag, ready to drop off with Duke before she leaves, she sends a few private messages before she lets the comm stay on for one more hour before it goes dead...and Allison is gone.]

[PRIVATE; Tig and Duke]

You two have a homework assignment while I'm gone: take care of each other. And you're both responsible for taking care of Duchess. Brownie is my spy: if you fail to complete your mission? She'll tell me, and I'll be pissed.

[A couple of tears roll down her cheeks, and she brushes them peevishly away as she gets serious.]

Please do this. It'll help me miss you less while I'm gone.

[PRIVATE; Lydia, Scott, Stiles, Kira, Isaac]

Jackson can't see this, because he isn't from our time frame...and I'm messaging you all because I'm praying that at least one of you will tell me the absolute truth.

I've been careless with my own safety for a while now, and what happened with Jerry made me realize a few things about why. First? I'm sorry for making all of you worry...and I'm sorry for what I'm about to ask, but if I'm going to make this right for myself? I have to understand more about...how it all ends. What brings me there, what happens to Stiles...if I was doing more than just saving my best friend.

I want to understand. Maybe then, I can explain it better to all of you...but I'm going to do it with respect to your feelings about my safety.

So...after I spend a little time in Zane's world, I'm going home for a while. And I need one of you to tell me everything you know...so I can come home before I put myself at risk.

So I can avoid it...I need one of you to tell me exactly how I die.