theresalwayshope | 22} writing wrongs with a brand new pen (i will not say goodbye)

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22} writing wrongs with a brand new pen (i will not say goodbye)

((dated post-kid!flood))

[VIDEO;public]

[It's late in the morning when Allison finally clicks on her feed. She's dressed, made up, put together. She still manages to look fragile and pale...

And she's packed.

There's a small duffel beside her, she's got her jacket on, and Duchess's things are packed up beside her, including Duchess herself nestled in the ~~dog~~ bunny purse she procured for her in Amsterdam. She's sitting on her couch, she's rubbing her hands together, and her comm is propped up on the coffee table as she offers a wan smile.]

Hi. Me, all grown up again. That was...not as weird as being a guy, or Robin Hood. Or even a werewolf.

...anyway. I know what you're all thinking about me and the bags and stuff...look what happened the last time I left. This time, it's real. I'll be in my cabin another hour, I'll leave the comm open...then I'm gone. I need the time away, more than I ever did.

[She hesitates, lowering her gaze as her eyes glass over.]

Before I explain...I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies. Too many to name...I became a vampire, and I'm not going to allow myself to be excused for the things I did and the people I hurt. I want--I need you all to know how sorry I am for the thing I became.

And because I'm leaving right after this...because I can get some distance...I'm going to explain exactly why everything went down that way.

[Her voice shakes a little, her gaze still lowered. She stops to take Duchess out of her bag and put her in her lap. Duchess allows this, nestling contentedly atop her legs.]

Jerry came after me on the Mirror Barge. Not many people know what he did to me...what he's capable of...but his power was uncapped over there. He came after me, he fed me his blood...and he drank from me. His blood...it's like a paralytic, or a hypnotic. I couldn't move, couldn't scream, I don't...my memory of it is even sort of hazy. That and...um...a falling out with a friend of mine got me a little crazy, so I was gonna leave. Take a breath...make sure I didn't get myself demoted.

[She blinks hard, sniffing. Her voice cracks now and again as she continues.]

I was still packing my things when he caught me in a stairwell. I was...upset, not paying attention...I thought he was still in Zero, I was so out of it, you know? He, uh...he grabbed me, disarmed me...he drank my blood, again, and he turned me.

[She reaches up to brush a few silent tears from her face. She still can't look directly into the feed...until she takes a breath and finally lifts her head.]

The day I became human again, I killed him...and I saw the thing that will help me get my revenge. For me, for my friends...for everyone he's hurt.

Including himself. Because I saw him for a minute when he died, I saw his human face. Maybe even the man that spent a month aboard this ship, that left us the knowledge we needed to kill a vampire. This is my revenge: exposing him.

Somewhere in there, Jerry Dandridge is still human. I don't believe we can ever save him, I don't think we can ever completely trust him...but he can be helped. This is not altruism, this is revenge I'm talking about. And, maybe on a smaller scale, respect for the human that some of us weren't fortunate enough to get to know.

[She lowers her gaze again, only this time she's lifting a single wooden stake into the feed, one of the bunch that the mirror version of Jerry left for her.]

The Jerry Dandridge that may not be on board this ship anymore...but is still one of the best wardens we ever had. At least I think so.

So, while I'm taking a break...because I will be back...I'm the one saying this, so take it to heart.

Don't hurt Jerry. Don't let your guard down if he's not in Zero...and remember that living well is the best revenge.

Work on the problem while I'm away...let's all make sure that Jerry doesn't leave this ship until he's living well. Then we can all have our revenge.

[Setting Duchess back in her bag, ready to drop off with Duke before she leaves, she sends a few private messages before she lets the comm stay on for one more hour before it goes dead...and Allison is gone.]

[PRIVATE; Tig and Duke]

You two have a homework assignment while I'm gone: take care of each other. And you're both responsible for taking care of Duchess. Brownie is my spy: if you fail to complete your mission? She'll tell me, and I'll be pissed.

[A couple of tears roll down her cheeks, and she brushes them peevishly away as she gets serious.]

Please do this. It'll help me miss you less while I'm gone.

[PRIVATE; Lydia, Scott, Stiles, Kira, Isaac]

Jackson can't see this, because he isn't from our time frame...and I'm messaging you all because I'm praying that at least one of you will tell me the absolute truth.

I've been careless with my own safety for a while now, and what happened with Jerry made me realize a few things about why. First? I'm sorry for making all of you worry...and I'm sorry for what I'm about to ask, but if I'm going to make this right for myself? I have to understand more about...how it all ends. What brings me there, what happens to Stiles...if I was doing more than just saving my best friend.

I want to understand. Maybe then, I can explain it better to all of you...but I'm going to do it with respect to your feelings about my safety.

So...after I spend a little time in Zane's world, I'm going home for a while. And I need one of you to tell me everything you know...so I can come home before I put myself at risk.

So I can avoid it...I need one of you to tell me exactly how I die.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm proud of you.

[ For what it's worth. He knows it's probably not much: they aren't that close. ]

You still want to go to the same place?

[It does mean something. It surprises Allison, but her eyes get bright, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.]

For a little while, yeah. Maybe a week? Then...I think I need to go home for a while. I'll be back, though.

You'll like Alrianne.

And I understand going home.

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[ Vergil watches, listens then shuts the comm off without response. Anything he could say would not help. So better to be silent.]

If none of the others are willing to tell you, I will. But they deserve the chance to tell you first.

[Maybe because she's got a certain objectivity, a certain sense of outsider, that might make her more willing than the others.]

Tell me anyway? I mean...facts are facts, but maybe you saw something no one else did. Maybe...I don't know, I can do something differently when I go home? Change the way it goes down. That way, maybe I can fix my own death, or...

[She trails off, not quite sure where she was going. She just knows that this...this is important. She knows Lydia's pissed, but Allison feels like she needs to understand this part of her life in order to move on from it.

She can't just keep living when she's a walking ghost to the rest of her friends. To get on with her life, she has to understand how she died, not just know about it.]

[Something about this is very troubling to Kira, but she can't quite put her finger on it. Then again, something's been troubling her about the pack in general, and she's a bit intimidated by how her contribution to this could have an effect on the dynamic. But she did say she would tell, if Allison wanted to hear it.]

We were going after Lydia. The nogitsune had managed to get his hands on the last of my mother's tails and when he broke it, he took control of the Oni and we all began to fight them while Scott went after Lydia and Stiles. We were holding them off, not winning - until you killed one of them. You smiled, and then one of them...one of the Oni impaled you. It was - it was so fast. You fell, but then Scott was there. You told him you loved him, and to tell your dad - we eventually figured out you meant about the silver - and then you died.

[It was one of the most horrible things Kira had ever seen.]

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[He feels sick. The idea of her going home, the idea of what she's going back to, makes his stomach turn and he's pretty sure that his dinner won't be staying down after they finish this conversation. His face is paler than usual, drained of color as the image of her lying dead in Scott's arms as Lydia helped him out of those tunnels months ago flashes through his mind.

But it isn't fair for one of the others to have to answer this. It's not their fault.

And maybe he'd put it out of his mind for the last couple of days, while he was dealing with all of his friends being small children, and he'd actually been happy for a little while. It's not that he'd wanted them to stay children forever, but they were all so much happier. More innocent. Less broken. It had made him feel less broken, too. But this...this request. This thing that she's planning to do. It's a jarring reminder of how badly he's screwed things up. Of how bad things really are.

It's a sharp, painful reminder that things are never going to be the same, even when he gets his deal.]

We were all at Oak Creek. [He rubs a hand over his face, weary, and he feels as cold as he had that night, as cold as he had for weeks after he'd shown up here on the Barge.] It's where -- it took Lydia. After we were separated. [His chest already feels tight and he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands, drawing blood.]

We split up. Scott and I went into the tunnels to look. You and Isaac and Kira. You were all outside, fighting with the Oni. It -- he managed to get control over them. [He draws in a shuddering breath.] They were on his side. No one knew how to kill one but -- you shot one with a silver arrowhead. It worked. You'd figured out how to stop them.

[The one that Lydia still has in her room. He's not looking at the camera now.]

But right after...[He digs his nails in deeper, the pain jolting him back into the present.] Right after one of them stabbed you with a sword. In the stomach.

Edited 2014-12-09 00:51 (UTC)

[She takes it all in, aching a little for letting Stiles do this over comms when he looks so wrecked, just talking about it...

But this is good. She tells herself this is good because knowing what her friends saw, knowing what's to come...she's helping them by asking.

It's a moment of upset now to prevent breaking them again later.]

So...if I come back here after Lydia is abducted, I'll still be alive.

[...and just saying it out loud makes her chest hurt, thinking of Lydia being taken, alone and afraid and feeding that thing inside Stiles...]

Yes. In theory.

[He doesn't have much faith -- or any at all, really -- that this is how things will work out. After awhile, when things continually go wrong, it's easier to accept the idea that the pattern will continue rather than get better, only to be let down in the end.]

Private - Allison | Stiles

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[The second Allison says she's leaving again, for real this time, Lydia feels her eyes tearing up. She doesn't plan on replying, she doesn't plan on saying anything. Isn't that what she and Steve talked about? Letting them be themselves and being there for them when they need?

She doesn't agree with Allison leaving, she doesn't want her to go. But at least, what she's saying about what happened to herself, what happened with Jerry and what people shouldn't do to Jerry finally makes sense. She sees it. She gets what Lydia has been saying all along.

So she'll let her go. She trusts Zane's word that Allison will be safe there, that she'll have good company and a good break. If this is really what she wants to do, Lydia won't interfere. They can talk when she gets back.

After Allison's initial message, she takes a deep, calming breath and is about to set the communicator away when Allison shows up again.

That's when she gets angry. That's when her jaw clenches and she starts to really cry, her hands in fists and she wants to scream. Scream at Allison for how insane that sounds. Scream at her to make her understand that the reason they're all there is so she doesn't have to go back home and live through all of this. Scream at her just how selfish she's being and how much she's hurting her, and no doubt Scott and Isaac and Stiles and even Kira.

She wants to shake Allison and tell her she has no right to do this.

But she doesn't.

Instead, Lydia lets herself cry her anger out, she paces around her room for a while the way Stiles would, to let her energy out and just grow as numb as possible.

And then she takes a few deep breaths, sits down in front of her computer, and writes.]

Allison, Here's what I remember since I was taken from the McCall's. I wasn't with the rest of the pack, but maybe this will help you. Please don't contact me until you're back. Good luck. I love you, Lydia

[The attached text is a very analytical, very detailed retelling of the night. She knows yelling at Allison won't help now. It won't change her mind. It won't make her understand how terrifying this is for the rest of them, who have lived past it. Past losing her.

But despite all her anger, at least Lydia knows she's done what she can to protect her.

This time, she gave her her warning.]

Edited 2014-12-09 01:24 (UTC)

[Private]

[Wow.

Allison is a hunter and Duke knows it well, has empathy as a Crocker. But he has a dim view on killing people, and appreciates taking a bloodless revenge. It can't have been easy for her, after the hideous violation she went through at Jerry's hands, but he's never been more proud of her.]

Way to kick ass, Everdeen. Don't you dare be too long.

[Filtered: + Tig]
[Duke sighs deeply.] Fine. I'm in on the bunny. Trager?

Edited 2014-12-09 12:23 (UTC)

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

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Don't be proud of me just yet, Duke. I'll bleed him again if he gives me a reason, but...I won't bleed him as long as there's still a reason not to.

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[Barbara's smile is soft and warm and, more than anything, proud.]

You're absolutely right.

[She didn't want to push the idea before, but now - ]

A while ago - over a year, now - I was murdered. [She's not smiling, any more, but her voice is absurdly light.] Torn to shreds, to torment someone I loved.

And I told her to redeem the hell out of him. That I'd help. Because the best vengeance was making him change. Making him realise what he'd done, making him feel it.

Much as I wouldn't mind tearing the vampire a new one - he wouldn't be here if he couldn't.

Oh, make no mistake, I will stake his ass again if he pushes me. I'll hurt him, and some part of me will probably enjoy it.

...but I think that's the difference. Now that I know who's in there, only part of me will enjoy it.

[She pauses, toying with her stake again. With a small, sheepish smile, she gestures vaguely with it so the stake is visible in the feed.]

I owe it to him to at least try. That's all.

(no subject)

bodilesswarrior - 2015-01-15 17:49 (UTC) - Expand

Living well does nothing.

I'll take care of it.

Oh, I...

This is very brave of you. And very noble.

How long are you going to stay at home?

If there's anything you need before you go, let me know. I'm pretty fast with deliveries.

[Despite the smile that has a playful edge to it, he's very serious. And definitely so when he adds,] We're going to fix the problem, and I'm sorry it's taken this long. You never deserved any of what happened - no one here did - and… I'm sorry.

Just...keep them safe, Steve. [She doesn't need to say who. She's pretty sure he knows them all by this point, even those not from Beacon Hills, and if he doesn't...

She trusts her pack to tell him. To protect what she holds most dear.]

I know, one way or another this has to end, just...until it does, keep them safe. That's all I need.

(no subject)

punched_hitler - 2014-12-18 04:47 (UTC) - Expand

[The words dry up in his mouth, die in his throat, curdle and rot in his chest. He feels like he can't expand his lungs enough, like he can't get enough air. He thinks, briefly, that he might be having an asthma attack, and wonders where the closest inhaler is.

It passes, his lungs fill, but he still feels like something is falling apart inside him. Like she's dying again.

But this is to make sure she won't. It's to make sure she won't.

He swallows hard, then turns on the video.]

Can we do this in person?

[She's been through a lot. Morgana doesn't have to listen to the whole speech to know that. She does listen, and lets it feed the anger bubbling over this vampire - and then she pushes it back, to deal with later.]

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Thanks, Morgana.

And...thank you. For being so sweet to me while I was a little kid, y'know? I...had a lot of fun.

[PRIVATE]

youwillgotohell - 2014-12-24 05:04 (UTC) - Expand

[Dean is back to himself now, too; older, lesser, harder, no one this girl wants to know. She's not someone he wants to know, either, but not for the reasons most - including himself these days - would suspect. It's not because he's not interested, it's not because he doesn't remember shoot outs in the hallway with foam darts, it's not that he doesn't remember who she was on the other Barge and it's not because he doesn't realize what the underlying statement is about all of this, about how deeply she feels things, how completely and how honestly and how passionately.

He remembers all that. He knows all that. He wants nothing to do with losing all that, or with putting himself in a position to use all of that to hurt her. But hearing about Jerry, seeing her talk about it, he can't say nothing; conveniently, she gives him something easy and expected to say, and so he does.]

You shouldn't. Come back.

[She's surprised by the message from Dean. She knows how abrasive he is, how cold and how hard...she knows she really never sees him, and she gets the distinct impression he doesn't like her.

Or rather, she did. Now, she's run screaming with delight through the corridors, firing foam arrows at him. She's waged playtime war against him, and conspired at his side when it got out of hand.

Now, she knows who Dean was before he became an inmate...she knows where he started.

And she won't let the hardened man staring at her through the feed ever make her forget that.

So she smiles a little, understanding that he has to speak up, and nods.]

I know.

[She hesitates, unsure of what to say, then finally smiles a little more.]

I'll see you when I get back, Dean.