[It's a lot to take in, and by the time Scout has her arms around him, he's reeling in a million different directions.
The anger in her voice, talking about Alan...Alan's counterpart...being Matt's target. Knowing that Allison did change the Code, and hearing yet again how strong and good he's supposed to be when he's not...
Alan shuts his eyes, then after a moment he hugs Scout back. And it hurts, it rips him bloody inside because he can't hold her the way he wants to. In any world, he can't have her the way he was supposed to, and he doesn't have Isabel here with her pretty golden curls, quiet strength, and sad smiles to make him forget his sins long enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, he's entitled to a second or two of happiness.
He has his pack...but even that is a constant reminder of where he's failed them. And Scout...he can't get by without her, but even this comfort is just one more reminder of the fact that he's lost her for good, and that he's alone.
That he doesn't deserve her, that he never deserved her...that he will always be alone, and that's the way it's supposed to be.]
You've said that to me before. [His voice is quiet, thick with emotion, but he swallows it painfully down...he's already burned her with too much of it.] And you're still wrong...but I'm trying, babe. I swear to God, I'm trying to be that guy.
[It won't change anything. It won't bring her back to him now that she's found someone else...but he still loves her too much to ever disappoint her.]
AWKWARD EX SPAM
The anger in her voice, talking about Alan...Alan's counterpart...being Matt's target. Knowing that Allison did change the Code, and hearing yet again how strong and good he's supposed to be when he's not...
Alan shuts his eyes, then after a moment he hugs Scout back. And it hurts, it rips him bloody inside because he can't hold her the way he wants to. In any world, he can't have her the way he was supposed to, and he doesn't have Isabel here with her pretty golden curls, quiet strength, and sad smiles to make him forget his sins long enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, he's entitled to a second or two of happiness.
He has his pack...but even that is a constant reminder of where he's failed them. And Scout...he can't get by without her, but even this comfort is just one more reminder of the fact that he's lost her for good, and that he's alone.
That he doesn't deserve her, that he never deserved her...that he will always be alone, and that's the way it's supposed to be.]
You've said that to me before. [His voice is quiet, thick with emotion, but he swallows it painfully down...he's already burned her with too much of it.] And you're still wrong...but I'm trying, babe. I swear to God, I'm trying to be that guy.
[It won't change anything. It won't bring her back to him now that she's found someone else...but he still loves her too much to ever disappoint her.]