theresalwayshope | 003} can't no preacher man save my soul [video/spam]

[SPAM]

[When Alan Argent wakes up in the morning...something doesn't feel quite right.

He can't really put his finger on it as he gets up to take a shower. He's a little confused as he strips off his shirt, wondering if he was really that exhausted that he forgot to put on shorts before he went to bed the night before. It's all sort of...fuzzy...

The real problem comes when he gets to his closet...and it's filled with girls' clothes.

He lets himself freak out for...maybe a minute. He frantically searches every hanger, his bureau, even under the bed, but there's nothing he can wear. And he damn sure can't run around the Barge in just a towel.

It takes a while, but he finally finds a pair of gym shorts in an unlabeled box in the back of his closet. There's also a couple of t-shirts in there, and Alan doesn't understand what it's doing there. It's not supposed to be in that back corner, underneath his case of carbon arrow shafts. It's taking up the space where another box should be...

Alan takes a deep breath and shakes his head. He's already lost it once, he can't let himself fall apart again. Besides, he has to find Lydia and make sure she's okay. Maybe this was one of those floods he kept hearing about, but one that just...swapped out all their clothes?...

He slides on the shorts, not bothering with a shirt. It's already weird enough, wearing someone else's clothes. Grabbing his comm, and the sheath with his ring daggers, Alan stalks out of his cabin and into the halls, where anyone can run into him.

First, he'll check on Lydia. Then they can make sure the rest of the pack is okay.]

[PACK FILTER]

Guys? Something weird is going on.

[The male face with a certain familiar bone structure is bouncing a little on the screen. He's not bothering to keep his voice down, and he's clearly walking through the ship's corridors...and he's not even remotely happy.]

I woke up, and all my clothes? Gone. It's like I'm living in a girl's room. I just...this isn't right. So just let me know you're all okay, or I'm gonna come and break your cabin doors down. [The threat is quiet, gentled with a sliver of forced humor, but the concern in his tone is very genuine.]

[Private to Lydia]

Lyds? You okay, babe?

{GENDERSWAPPED ALLISON! XD All of "Alan" Argent's replies will come from

youowemeanewbow.}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The wait of that hurt is too much. He's floored by how much has changed - how much hadn't - how much Alan thought that - that being Allison could have changed things. There's a small part of him that just wants to run, that doesn't want to explain that it wouldn't have mattered. He doesn't want to take away that hope. It feels like putting out a light. He doesn't - ever - want to put out a light for her - him.

Scott looks down at the clothes in his hand. He could be fast enough to just go, but he knows before he even thinks it that he's not just going to bail. That's not what he does.

His eyes dart to Allison's bed, and for a second, he thinks maybe they should sit down. But he's not sure that closeness right now is a good idea, either. Scott didn't realize - the only good thing I've ever had. Was that how Allison felt, too? His hair falls forward, and he pushes it back, tucks it behind his ears and breathes.]

It wasn't that different. Your mom still tried to kill me. She, um. Found out we were sleeping together.

[It's not as awkward to say as he thought it might be - though it still sounds ludicrous - so he pushes on.]

When we weren't supposed to be seeing each other, I mean. And Matt...Matt was stalking Allison.

[He's separating them in his head, making them four separate people. He can't tell someone with this much weight on them that their memories aren't real.

There's some emotion in his voice when Matt comes up, though it's not easy to describe. He was angry, but he never really hated Matt. What would he have done, if he'd had no one? And Matt really had been alone. He tries not to think about what might have happened, and shakes his head, only vaguely annoyed as the hair comes out from behind his ear again.]

Most of it happened that way. Allison did change the code, but not right away. It was - her mom had just died. Nobody can take on that kind of weight, after something like that.

[They had been young with no weight to carry, but he remembers how hard it was on Stiles. He remembers how impossible it had been, how all he could do was be there. Allison hadn't let him, and he couldn't blame her. He hadn't even been able to tell her why her mother had died.

Deciding to follow his instincts, even if the physicality of it all feels wrong, Scott sets aside his clothes and moves to hug Alan again, arms wrapping around under neath Alan's shoulders instead of above them.]

You are strong, dude. I can already tell that. [Because Allison was. He closes his eyes briefly.] I know you did everything you could. For everyone. [He's ignoring the way his voice goes tight.]

[It's a lot to take in, and by the time Scout has her arms around him, he's reeling in a million different directions.

The anger in her voice, talking about Alan...Alan's counterpart...being Matt's target. Knowing that Allison did change the Code, and hearing yet again how strong and good he's supposed to be when he's not...

Alan shuts his eyes, then after a moment he hugs Scout back. And it hurts, it rips him bloody inside because he can't hold her the way he wants to. In any world, he can't have her the way he was supposed to, and he doesn't have Isabel here with her pretty golden curls, quiet strength, and sad smiles to make him forget his sins long enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, he's entitled to a second or two of happiness.

He has his pack...but even that is a constant reminder of where he's failed them. And Scout...he can't get by without her, but even this comfort is just one more reminder of the fact that he's lost her for good, and that he's alone.

That he doesn't deserve her, that he never deserved her...that he will always be alone, and that's the way it's supposed to be.]

You've said that to me before. [His voice is quiet, thick with emotion, but he swallows it painfully down...he's already burned her with too much of it.] And you're still wrong...but I'm trying, babe. I swear to God, I'm trying to be that guy.

[It won't change anything. It won't bring her back to him now that she's found someone else...but he still loves her too much to ever disappoint her.]

[She doesn't believe him, and Scott closes his eyes tight again. He just needs to push it back. He needs to push it all back, so that he can be some kind of stable ground here. He feels like he's falling apart. The idea that maybe Allison has been feeling this way knots his stomach, like it's his fault, like it's not his fault but he feels guilty anyway--

He's chasing his thoughts in circles, and it's not helping anything. He breathes in - can't help but notice the differences in the way the Argents smell, or the similarities - and releases it slowly before leaning back with his hands on Alan's shoulders.

Maybe he can't change anything. Maybe nothing can be changed, maybe it's something that Alan comes to on his own, but Scott is bad at saying nothing. He's bad at walking away.]

I know technically you don't know me, but I'm willing to bet that Scout and I aren't all that different.

I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it.

[And he has always believed in Allison Argent.]

[It would be easier if they were different. If she really was what she said, a guy he'd never met...or even a guy he knew, but not with the face that had been haunting him since he realized she was just...gone, that there was nothing left to win back. It would be easier if he wasn't looking into those eyes, through that wayward hair he was forever brushing out of her face with his fingers when they were together...

But nothing's easy in his life. Alan doesn't get easy or even kind. He never has, and he never will...so he gets this.

Scout McCall...or whoever it is...speaking with that absolute conviction and faith he can't turn away from. She--he--believes it, with a purity that Alan can't insult by rejecting.]

I know you wouldn't. [He pauses, drawing a shaky breath as he rubs the back of his neck absently and forces himself to take a very small step back.] Neither would she.

That's what I thought.

[He smiles a little, because - it's not like he isn't feeling how grossly awkward the whole thing is. He can only imagine what Alan's feeling about it, and for the most part - he really doesn't want to imagine what it was like. If Allison still looked like Allison, but thought she was supposed to be Alan?

God, that would be strange.

Scott shakes his head, waves his hands and goes to grab the clothes again.]

Okay, I'm gonna just...take these back to my room. Let me know if you need any more stuff, okay? Mi casa, and all that.

003} can't no preacher man save my soul [video/spam]

AWKWARD EX SPAM

AWKWARD EX SPAM

AWKWARD EX SPAM

AWKWARD EX SPAM

AWKWARD EX SPAM