theresalwayshope | 009} tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?

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009} tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?

[Public Video]

[The first thing that's clear, to anyone that knows Allison from home, is that something's...off. Her expression is a little harder, her jaw set a little differently, and he's holding herself with a little more authority, a little more readiness.

She seems a little more not like the head of the Argent clan they know, but the head of the Argent clan that Gerard molded in his own image.]

That pillow fort flood was kind of interesting, but I wanted to kinda touch base about the stuff before that. The..communications glitch thing? I was curious: who all did everyone get to talk to? Was it good for you? Or was it...rough?

[She's in the CES today, where off to one side, she's been visibly busy putting arrows in the trees. The location resembles a clearing in the Beacon Hills Preserve she favors for shooting, since it's a pretty broad clearing with a minimal risk of someone taking a stray shot unless they plant themselves directly in front of the paper target she's got tacked up. At the same time, she swears she can occasionally catch the cold, crisp smell of brine in the air...she's blaming her recent conversations with Duke about his hometown in Maine and her own distant memories of a couple months spent living in Augusta.

Her comm is propped on a low tree branch, which is still almost at head height, but she's standing back far enough that she can be seen to the waist, at a slightly downward angle. Her bow is slung across her back, her quiver over one shoulder, and she's still wearing both her arm guard and her glove.]

I know it was kinda nice for some, and for others...

[She trails off, thinking of Tig as she swallows thickly, and of her father as she draws a shaky sigh. Her expression is a little colder, a little more distant.

She doesn't finish. Instead, she gathers her composure and swaps between filters for a few specific messages.]

[Private to Mindy Macready]

So, random question: would you hate me if I wanted to do something? Like, ridiculous and ubergirly and probably unnecessary, but...it could be totally fun, and I really, really think it could be awesome? It's actually related to me asking if you had any interest in the basic training course Bucky Barnes is doing. Most of my friends are doing wit with me, and you're one of maybe a couple people that's missing.

So...I'm asking if you want to do boot camp, and asking if you...well, let's call it the Barge equivalent of a makeover-slash-shopping spree.

Interested?

[Barge Pack Filter - includes Beacon Hills folks, Duke Crocker, Tig Trager, Needy Lesnicki]

If you can see this, you're...part of my pack. My pack, I mean...I'm still getting to know some people, so I know we're all not necessarily best friends with everyone else's best friends. But, uhm...friends and pack mean different things to me, some of you may already know that. I've got a growing list of friends on this ship so far, but if you can see this? You're more than that. You're family, you're...sort of...mine.

Losing any of you would be losing a limb.

Anyway, I just wanted a way to talk to you all together for personal stuff, so first order of business? If you're not already in Bucky's boot camp, get there. Sign up, get permission from your wardens, whatever. Because if you don't, I'm going to mercilessly badger you. And if you're a macho manly type, I will resort to dirty female tactics. Like crying. All over you. Big, ugly, howling female tears in public places.

[The threat is real, but it's delivered with a small smile that makes her look a little less severe.]

[Private to Scott, Stiles, Lydia, and Isaac]

[There are definite cracks in the chilly veneer now...as evidenced by tears in Allison's eyes as she takes a wet, wobbly breath.]

Erica's on the Barge. I saw her message when she arrived, I...don't know if any of you have talked to her yet or seen her. I...haven't spoken to her yet.

[She pauses, and covers her mouth with one hand as she fights to hold it together. When she tries to speak again, her voice is thick and breathless, and her hand is shaking as it pulls away from her mouth.]

The Alphas may have killed her, but...I'm responsible for her death. If she'd stayed with Derek, if...if I hadn't drawn her and Boyd out...

[The rest of the sentiment finishes in her mind, unspoken.

She died because of me.

Allison knows Erica will come for her the second she knows Allison is on board. The second she's healed, the second she's ready.

And Allison isn't entirely sure she won't be killed, but she doesn't really care. For once, she's making light of the death toll. If Erica feels she has to go that far, Allison doesn't really know that she can stop her without killing Erica herself.

And she won't do that. Not now.]

I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do.

[CES Spam]

[After she cuts off the feed completely, the bow and quiver come off and are laid aside so she can move for freely, and for a while Allison finds a nearby tree to sit beneath and cry. She's alone, there's no one there...for a second, she's safe.

Tears turn into open weeping. Weeping turns into sobbing. It's the ugly kind of sobbing you don't get to see on TV or in the movies. It's not shrieking hysterics and beating fists...it's more like strangled, broken screaming she swiftly loses control over. It's snot and drool and bits of dirty leaves clinging to the damp places until she gives up and lays down, curling on her side and letting the hysterics claim her.

She cries for Erica. She cries for herself, she cries for her friends...for everyone her own death touches and destroys. She gives in to the fear and the rage and the pain of isolation (because she's by herself and it's safe to let go but she needs someone arms to hold her together a voice to bring her back God she needs to not be alone) until she finally cries herself sick, rising from her huddled place on the ground and darting behind her tree to be physically ill.

After she wipes her mouth once her stomach's empty, she feels weirdly better. Empty and numb, but more in control.

She uses the rest of her time alone to gather herself up again. She can easily be found packing away her things and removing her arrows from the nearby tree, a process she lingers over in a meditative fashion. She's since used a towel in her gym bag to wipe her face and neck, but her eyes are still puffy and nose red from crying, and she's a little bit pale from having been sick.

Beyond the CES, she can be found heading back to her cabin on Level 2.]

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[She just stares for a long time. She'd seen the message come through, had planned to ignore it, continue her silent grief for her dead friend - her dead packmate. Trying to hold onto the moments of happiness, few and far between, his smile. The way it made things just a little easier to bear, how it could fill a room and chase away the loneliness she felt. Little things that had brought them together as friends, made them do everything they could to help each other in that vault. She'd gotten to see a side of him few ever did. There's so much they didn't know about him - about her. Things they'd never bothered to get to know before the bite - things they'd never had a chance to know after it.

Instead the message continues, and those words come out of her lips. She's a part of her pack. It stings like a slap to the face. She remembers her family's basement, the way she'd pleaded with Allison to stop in the woods. She remembers breaking off the arrow that she'd shot into her leg, the arrows she'd shot into Boyd... The things her grandfather... She didn't understand how Allison could think she was a part of her pack after all of that.

There's so much she's unsure of, her place in her own pack, if she's going to make it through life here, earn her deal. She doesn't need this added to it - she's not her family. Her family is back home, people she'll never get to see again. People that think she's dead. In the four months together in the vault, Boyd had become family. The only ones on this stupid ship that might fit that description are Stiles and Isaac, although with everything who knows? There's so much she doesn't know of the future, finding it easier to just cut herself off from them, return to her solitary existence. A part of her wants to leave it, ignore it and go back to trying to pick up the pieces of her life, whatever was left. The other part of her has a burning need to know and that part eats at her until she finally picks up the comm.]

Why the hell would you even think me a part of your pack?

[She practically spits the word back at her, almost dripping with disgust. She's suspicious, a hunter calling people her pack. It's weird and it doesn't sit well.]

[There isn't a lot that truly frightens Allison outside of things like Erica Reyes and Vernon Boyd, and even Derek Hale now that she knows what's really in his heart. Everything changed when he saved her father's life, and now he's no longer a mere enemy: he's one of the things that live in her small, secret closet full of fears.

Seeing Erica on comms terrifies her. She knew it was coming, she'd known what she was doing when she added her to that filter...but it's still terrifying.

So she's stoic, she's stern...but she pales visibly when Erica comes on the feed, and it's a full minute before she can make herself answer.

She's very proud of herself for the fact that her voice is clear and even, and never breaks once.]

Because a lot has happened since the last time I saw you, and I finally understand what that word means. Gerard Argent is paying for his crimes, and my family has a new Code.

And it's not...reciprocal, I know. I know you'll probably always see me as an enemy, but you're not mine. You never will be. I'm glad you're here, I'm...really glad, and as long as you're here I will treat you as pack. I will fight for you, I will defend you, and I will be there if you ever need anything of me.

[She hesitates, gaze dropping for a moment as she swallows thickly.]

And...if you think I deserve something for the things I've done? I'll be here, too. Cabin 211, if you need to find me.

[She stills as she listens, the attempt at bravado slipping. It's not at all what she'd expected to hear - especially not from Allison. The Allison she knew was nothing like this. It threw her off.

She didn't need a hand-out, didn't need pity or assumptions about what she may or may not feel towards the other girl. While she's glad to hear that Gerard was paying, it doesn't change what happened - the current that ran over her skin in that basement. They'd been running from them when the Alphas had found them. A fact that hadn't escaped her.

She steels herself, squaring her shoulders and letting out a small laugh at her offer - the sound hollow and empty.]

I'm not gonna come to your cabin to get my revenge or whatever - not worth it.

[She gives a small tilt of her head, eyes narrowing.]

Why do you care? Seriously, why are you glad I'm here? Since when does a hunter care that a beta is alive?

[Lydia doesn't plan on getting involved. But knowing how affected by this whole thing her best friend is, she just has to. Of course she knows all about what happened in the woods. All the poison Gerard used on her best friend at the time. All the things Allison did. She knows now, even if she had had no idea back then. She made Stiles tell her everything while Allison was in France with her dad that Summer.

She doesn't blame Erica for being angry at her. But she knows Allison is a different person now. They all are. And if they are going to have to live with each other again, Erica will need to understand that.]

She just explained to you that things are not the same anymore, Erica. [She's keeping her voice calm.]

We're all one pack now. Derek is no longer an Alpha. He's part of Scott's pack. Scott is our Alpha and this pack includes Allison. She doesn't hunt werewolves or supernatural creatures like her family used to. She protects us. All of us. [With her life.]

I know this isn't easy for you. I know you will need to adjust. But we've all been through a lot and it's changed us. And if we want to survive this place and home, we need to stick together and remember who our real enemies are. [Jennifer, the Nogitsune, Deucallion, Peter, Jerry.]

Edited 2014-09-13 16:44 (UTC)

[It takes her a full minute to process just what Lydia's saying... Stuck on one thing.]

What do you mean Derek's not an Alpha anymore?

[She's starting one thing at a time, not touching the idea of Scott as an Alpha or just how she's feeling about Lydia jumping in. She was sick of people telling her things had changed, like it would just be so easy to get over everything - shove it in a pretty little box and pretend everything's fine. Like her life hadn't been a living hell. She doesn't doubt that they've been through some shit of their own, but it doesn't make her own issues any less important.]

[She is surprised that Erica is actually asking questions, last she checked, the other girl wasn't interested in knowing things of her future. But if she's going to be around them, there are probably things she will end up finding out.]

His sister, Cora. She was-- in the vault, too. [Lydia is not a fan of the youngest Hale, but, she will keep her story as neutral as possible.]

She was poisoned with mistletoe and in order to heal her, he used his Alpha powers. It ended up being too much for him and he lost-- whatever spark that made him an Alpha.

[She remembers Cora, although she's not going to volunteer that info. It was personal and still a little too fresh to be throwing out there.

She's quiet for a long moment, lost in what this all means.]

Isaac is my pack.

[And that's all she needs right now.]

That's what I'm trying to tell you, Erica.

[Deep breath so she doesn't lose her temper.]

Isaac is part of our pack now. Because we're all the same pack. And if you want proof of how much things have changed, of how much Allison has changed, ask him. The two of them have gotten really close. He trusts her. [He loves her from what Lydia can tell.]

[Close? She thinks for a moment, trying to not jump to conclusions even if that what it seemed like Lydia was hinting at.

No other way to find out than asking... Even if she's pretty sure she doesn't want to open this particular pandora's box.

After a long pause and a few steadying breaths, she tries to keep her own venom out of her voice.]

Define really close.

They are dating, Erica. Just talk to him. He will tell you.

[As far as she knows, there was nothing between Isaac and Erica back then. If anything, she seemed really close to Boyd at the time, so she doesn't think telling her will do any real damage.

Besides, it's probably for her to know now than to see them holding hands down the hallway.]

[Her breath catches in her throat, going incredibly still - almost statuesque for a solid minute as the information sinks in. It's a confirmation for she'd feared - something she'd hoped was just her own brain shifting to worse case scenarios.

She wants to lash out, and a few months ago she would have. The vault had put a few things in perspective for her, and her screaming right now wasn't going to change a damn thing. It was just another reason for her to stay as far away from them as possible.

An empty, almost hollow look enters her eyes. She's been on her own in most things her entire life. The idea of a pack was new and as far as she was concerned, her pack was dead - Isaac dating Allison the final nail in the coffin.]

There's no point.

[She's not talking to him.

A tiny voice whispers in the back of her mind that this never would have happened if she'd just accepted her fate and not taken the admiral's deal. That she might have died, but she'd have possibly gotten to see Boyd again. He'd become a close friend, someone who deserved a better life. A hot tear escapes, earning a look of disgust before she ends the video feed. She didn't need to hear anymore - about how happy there were or how it was healthy to continue on with your life.

A hunter dating a werewolf. A hunter who'd almost killed his pack members... Well, old pack members. She takes a shaky breath, attempting to come to terms with the facing the true price of her new life - dealing with what she'd left behind.

It's a price she's not sure she can handle paying. She takes a shaky breath, as the weight of it all sets in - eyes fixated on her now dark comm.]

[This was totally not how this should have gone down. There's an ache building in him - regret, self-loathing, sickness in the pit of his stomach. If he was a better person, he would have jumped in when he saw Lydia start talking to Erica, explained it himself. But he couldn't. He just couldn't make himself do it. Of course she'd hate it and how the hell was he supposed to deal with that when Allison means so much to him? How was he supposed to handle this without someone getting hurt? So he'd been a coward instead, turning his comm off for a while and trying to ride out the wave of nausea washing over him.

It's a while later, after he turns the comm back on, sees Erica's last response (and that in particular breaks something in him, because of course there's a point: they're still pack, closer than family, but she's been dead to him for months and he loves Allison, and both of those facts are true and they both hurt) and replays the whole conversation.

He should have been the one to tell her. In person, in private. She deserves better.

He really fucked this up.

It almost feels like he's having a panic attack, like the walls are closing in around him, his breath coming out in short bursts. He shuts that feeling down as best he can, then plunges in before he can talk himself out of doing it. He doesn't switch the feed to private immediately, though he thinks about it; it's his mess, let the rest of them see he's trying to fix it.]

Erica?

Erica?

[Lydia doesn't really expect this reaction, the way Erica just shut down. She immediately sends a quick message to Scott, but when she sees Isaac's face showing up on her screen, she turns her attention toward him.

Apparently this is a bigger deal than she assumed and she hates the way Isaac looks. Hurt, guilty. He better not hurt her best friend.]

GO find her, Isaac. Talk to her. [But don't mess this up for Allison. Don't you dare hurt her.]

She sees the messages come through, hears her name - the way Isaac reacts and it's enough to tip her over the edge. She's not sure how much of her reaction is sheer exhaustion, not having slept well since arriving... Partially from discomfort, but mostly nightmares. Memories of the pained look in Boyd's eyes, the haunting flares of red in the darkness that she couldn't get away from.

She lets out a broken sob, chucking her phone on her bed as the panic slowly sets in.

Since I was wrong.

[Allison isn't sure she's ever actually said it out loud, and saying it to Erica...it's a whole new level of crippling, but she doesn't let it show. She's grateful for it, for the chance to say it...even if it doesn't make a difference, even if it hurts like hell and reminds her yet again that the Admiral made a mistake when he made her a warden.]

Listening to Gerard, believing in anything my family stood for...wanting to make anyone but my father proud. I was wrong. So...I'm glad you're alive, and I'm never going to stop regretting that you had to come here just to get the chance at life you deserved. And...

[She trails off with a quiet huff, her tone a little lighter with something sincere, honest and abrupt instead of carefully laid out to make herself as clearly understood as possible.]

Frankly, these days my opinion of most werewolves is a lot higher than my opinion of most humans.

It's not your fault my life was the way it was.

[There was a lot wrong before she'd even met Allison - a lot of things already messed up for her before the bite. Happiness didn't seem to be a thing she was gonna get no matter how hard she tried, so getting her hopes up about that second chance isn't a thing that's gonna be happening.

She keeps her comment about having to come on a prison barge to earn that second chance after 4 months of hell, instead just shaking her head.]

Whatever.

[This is weird, getting all buddy buddy and swapping stories - or something like it. She's not ready for this - not by a long-shot.]

Look, I'll just stay out of your way if you stay out of mine.

[Especially after she finds out about the dating. Sorry Allison, but these small little mends in their friendship fence are gonna go out the window.]

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009} tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?

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