theresalwayshope | 24} so i stayed in the darkness with you...

[When the feed clicks on, Allison is visibly upset. She's also not in her cabin, as evidenced by her surroundings. Her eyes and nose are red: she's been crying, and recently, but she's deadly calm as she speaks.

She has to be, or else she's going to hurt someone. The feed isn't totally steady, because her hand is shaking, and in a rare occurrence, Duchess is nowhere to be seen.]

Isaac's in a coma.

[And this is the part of her new condition she wasn't prepared for, this wild fury and soul-deep grief all mixed up and so intense her free hand is just out of sight, balled into a fist, claws digging into her own palm so the pain will keep her from shifting. She's been like this since she found him over an hour ago, since she picked him up off the floor of his room and put him into bed...

Since the tears and pleading for him to wake up turned to animal snarls she couldn't control, and she glimpsed her transformed face in the mirror for the first time.

She's human now as her eyes well up again, but there's something clearly animal in the way she bares her teeth as she speaks.]

Anyone that comes near his cabin without my permission is getting their throat torn out.

[She can feel the beast rising, she doesn't dare risk more...abruptly, the feed goes dead to all but those on her private filters.]

[Extended Pack Filter]

That goes for you guys, too...just knock first, okay? I'm in Isaac's cabin, and I just...

[She trails off, her eyes flashing gold. Her jaw tenses, and fangs are visible just past her lips, her features shifting as she fights the rising change.]

I need some time to...calm down.

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Allison.

[He keeps his voice calm and his eyes on her. They haven't talked much, since...well. He hasn't wanted to, known how to deal with this, and he still doesn't. But he's never been able to leave people out to try.]

He's still here. He's still breathing. You haven't lost your anchor, he's still right there.

[He says it without bitterness, without hurt, because if they're happy, it's enough. He doesn't want anyone else going through losing an anchor.]

It's not him, Scott...he's not my anchor. I can't--

[She cuts herself off, lowering her gaze...but the filter is private. She has to remind herself of that, but it's hard because she can't do this.

She can get past rage, she can learn to love her dark side, but weakness...she doesn't know if she'll ever come to terms with it.]

I can't...use my anchor. I'm...I-I'm...afraid of it.

[That surprises him - and he's not sure why, in hindsight, because really...it's not like anyone else had the same sort of anchor he did. Scott feels a small throb in his chest, but it passes: he learned to live without her, at least, without her as his girlfriend. He learned to anchor himself. But he never forgot what it was like to associate her with his calm.]

Why?

[He's careful to stay calm, to be - to be the kind of alpha he thinks he probably needed, when he was first bit. Because she's not just Allison, now, she's a beta, his beta, and he can't just keep ignoring that. He has to be here for her, too.]

What are you afraid of?

[She shakes her head at first, because it's the same: she knows it, feels it whenever she's with or around Scott, that things are different now. There are things she really can't talk to him about or share with him, even if they're still friends. Because they were in love once...because in a lot of ways, the will always be in love with each other...there are things she can't discuss with him without hurting him.

He's her Alpha, now, and that changes some things. The animal in her will always submit to him...and it's not anything like she imagined it would be. It's not cowering or kneeling, it has nothing to do with fear or even respect.

When her beast submits in his presence, it feels like a puppy rolling on its back to bare its belly. It's the relief after a fight, where the weapons fall from her hands because it's safe to let go, it's okay to stop fighting. It's trust, a frightening and weighty level of trust that her Alpha will look after her, and Allison isn't used to that.

She takes care of other people, they don't take care of her...but her inner wolf won't allow for the presence of pride with her Alpha.

So even though she shakes her head...she's speaking almost against her will.]

I can't control the shift unless I let the wolf in. Completely. It's...it takes over me, and when I don't fight the bloodlust, it's like it isn't even there. It's just the animal instinct, and it's... [She hesitates, and for just a second she smiles. She's not just okay, that gratitude and joy she feels for the thing she's become shines through. Her eyes are dark, her fangs recede...she's human again.]

...it's beautiful. But this time...

[She loses her smile, and her eyes flare gold again.]

I'm afraid of how much it hurts. The wolf, she's in pain. Isaac's not here, and she hurts because of it...I'm scared of it. I'm scared of letting that in.

It's okay to hurt.

[He's quiet when he speaks, eyes and voice as open and sympathetic as they get. He hates when she's hurt or scared or anything like this. He'll always want to shoulder that burden for her. But he can't, so he tries to make it easier. He knows what it's like to hurt because someone you love isn't near.]

It's okay to miss him like that. You're not - it's not you and the wolf, Allison. He's just you.

[He looks down, smiling a little distantly.]

You're a predator, not a monster. Sometimes predators get scared, too.

Do you want us all to come over?

[Not for her, not for a soldier...she wants to say it out loud, but she can't make her throat work. Because Scott is never wrong about stuff like that, if she really thinks about it. So often, he doesn't even realize how much he sees, how wise he is because it's all just part of his nature. Whether it's because he's a true Alpha or just...Scott, she'll never know, but when it comes to right and wrong, to human nature...

The werewolf she fell in love with will always know more about humanity than she ever will.]

I know...I think. I just-- [She cuts herself off, feeling some tiny knot of tension start to unknot deep in her chest because her Alpha says it's okay...because Scott is talking, and she's listening. She can't not.

When he offers to have everyone come over, she nods...then shakes her head.]

Yes--no--I don't know. I'm afraid I might hurt someone.

[She hesitates, and for just a second, it's not Allison listening to Scott...for one split second, she's a Beta, reaching out to her Alpha, and nothing more.]

Don't let me hurt anyone.

Allison.

[He can't make that differentiation, not completely. He knows something is different now, between them. He knows she's his in a different way. He knows that, if he really wanted, he could control her now.

He'll never want that. He waits until she meets his eyes again.]

I'll never let you hurt anyone.

[It's a soft promise, but it's just as true, just as honest as any other he's made to her.] I'll come over first.

24} so i stayed in the darkness with you...

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