008} i'm gonna hide my wings tonight

[theresalwayshope]

[PUBLIC - Video]

[When the feed clicks on, Allison is in her bedroom in her cabin. She's sitting cross-legged, hair mussed and still in her pajamas, having clearly just woken up. She's also wearing a cardigan that some parties may recognize as being pilfered from a certain new werewolf arrival's room, but she's not talking about that right now. She's smiling, and she looks pretty sleepy...but she also looks pretty darn happy.]

Morning, Bargees. [She grins, wrinkling her nose cutely.] I haven't really checked in with peeps since port, so I just wanted to see how everyone was doing.

[She pauses, her expression still soft, but...a little more sober.]

I guess...I don't know, I've just been kind of thinking. A warden arrived recently that...made me stop to appreciate how lucky I am to have my pack here. See, werewolves in my world? They're stronger in packs, literally. And wolves without a pack? They're called Omegas. It's...the worst thing in the world a wolf can be. Alone, friendless...clawing, fighting to survive every day. And I hate to think that anyone on this ship...could be an Omega.

So...if this ship is a pack? Then no matter how alone you are, I'm your packmate. Warden, inmate, my door's always open. And it's not, like, pity or anything, or even sympathy, it's...I care. I really do.

[The sudden earnestness in her face is real, because she's having another of those moments she tries to hide from the pack: where she feels the weight of her own mortality. Her friends are going to save her, but...she's still sort of scheduled to die.

So are they all...and the sudden revelation makes her chest tight as she realizes that nobody, not anyone, deserves to be alone should the end ever come. Even on the Barge, where it can come a hundred times.

Allison will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen.]

[Private - Vergil]

Hey, Vergil! No biggie, I just wanted to see how you were doing. We didn't really get to talk much after port, did you have fun?

[Pack Filter]

Haven't talked to any of you much since Isaac got here, but...you all know Isaac got here, right? And yes, Isaac, I know you can see this. I just...want everyone to be on the same page.

[She pauses, taking a deep breath as she carefully keeps her face schooled into happy, fond lines. She has to hide the weight of the emotion she's feeling. She has to make sure that none of them see that maybe a rough day is coming for her, one where she might need to be alone to either cry or scream or just stare at the passing stars on deck and let silent tears of pure gratitude slide down her cheeks.

The worst, the most visceral, the most intense parts of dealing with her impending demise, she will do alone.]

And I wanted to tell you guys that I love you.

[That's it. That's the message...because they need to hear it. Every day, every second, until they're sick of it...so just in case, just in case, they will be drenched in it for the rest of their lives.

Every day, she's going to tell her pack she loves them...so it will be impossible for them to ever feel her love is missing from their lives if she somehow doesn't come back to life when their deals are fulfilled.]

((pre-dated fourth wall day transmission, because tomorrow morning may be too hectic for me to get this up. :P))

Comments

[yeahscience]

Oh, shit, yo. How many werewolves you got up in the joint right now?

voice

[chaotica]

To whichever engineer is in charge of this truly delightful drama: much as I love talk of werewolf packs, bestial menstrual symbology aside, I really do have a packed evening, and I'd like a bit of peace and quiet.

[Private]

[semifreakingnormal]

[He doesn't filter this to the rest of them. He figures she would have said something if she wanted to, and that the least he can do is give her a little privacy. He wants to say, I love you too, but it's so much more complicated now, even' if it's easier to say than it was that first time.]

Are you doing okay, Allison?

[mcpackmama]

[The video just starts playing on her phone and Melissa has no idea what to do. She tries to pause it, but the buttons seem to be gone from the screen. And then she starts to pay attention to what the girl is saying and her eyes tear up.

She doesn't want to ask Scott to figure out what's happening with her phone, she doesn't want him to see this, so she starts pressing buttons again, not realizing she's turned her own camera on.]

[strangehistorian]

Oh. That's a very beautiful sentiment.

...It appears the communicator network is malfunctioning.

[BFF Filter]

[lydiascreams]

I love you, too.

[And Lydia can tell how emotional Allison is right now. It makes her own chest tight. But she's grateful because in a way, she hopes it helps Allison realize how they feel about her and how much she means to them. She hopes it helps her understand just how lost and broken Lydia felt without her.]

I take it that things have been going well since Isaac showed up?

same filter

[walkthedarkpath]

I did in fact, I do enjoy nature at times. And as things stand I am well.

Yourself?

[gottohaveacode]

[Allison will now be treated to a rather unimpressed-if-faintly-amused familiar face. What are you up to NOW.]

Please tell me you've taken up drama and are practicing for a new play I've never heard of.

Warden!Dean

[surfaceshine]

Wow. Where the hell was all this give a damn when I was there?

[It's a little sappy for Dean's tastes, but he's smirking his approval anyway.]

I mean, there were werewolves, but holy shit.

Private

[voluntaryapnea]

Hey.

[He offers her a small smile, not really buying the act but not planning to say anything about it either. What can he say? He can apologize -- again, for his role in her death. But he knows she doesn't blame him. Knows she doesn't want him blaming himself. He's struggling with it, and that'll probably never not be something he struggles with, even when she's safe and firmly in the alive category back home. Because even if he changes his deal, even if he survives all of it, he's still going to know. He's still going to remember.]

Love you too. [His words are quiet, and they feel awkward because he's not used to saying those words to anyone except his dad and that's...been awhile.]

[rintintin]

I've seen a lot of weird stuff, doll, but werewolves? Really?

[Hi Allison, seem familiar? c8]

[thejazzpolice]

Putting aside the talk of ships and ports and wardens - we'll come back to that, trust me - werewolves? I only just got used to the idea of bloody vampires.

[...]

Are they the 'change-into-your-actual-wolf' kind or the 'actually-still-pretty-humanoid' kind?

[twicedrowned]

[ Hey. Allison. Here's an ALL too familiar face. ]


...Allison?

Private

[freezerburns]

[Like the rest of them, he keeps this just between himself and Allison. He can't quite remember if he'd actually said I love you to her before taking the electricity that landed him in hospital. It's not always easy for him to navigate or articulate his own emotions, but this one is true and it's strong. Even though he knows she knows, maybe he hasn't actually said it to her before and losing her once was enough to make him want to make sure she hears it from him.]

Hey, I love you too.

[video]

[notsoneedy]

That's sweet. It's probably something I could have used hearing when I first got here, and there are no doubt people that could use with hearing it now.

[Needy's in a good mood - she really liked that last port, and she feels more 'at home' here now, for a certain value of home. Mostly because she knows she's got friends.]

[kirachu]

[ well she knows what the Barge is by now, and the whole ..timey wimey space thing, but it's still kind of a shock to see Allison on her laptop screen, and not just because of the obvious ]

Hey, Allison.

[ small wave!!! kind of awkward!! but she's not sure she'll ever get the chance to talk to her again so she's not about to let her own weird shyness ruin it ]

-- Does everybody know about werewolves, where you are? I mean, that's a thing?