008} i'm gonna hide my wings tonight

[theresalwayshope]

[PUBLIC - Video]

[When the feed clicks on, Allison is in her bedroom in her cabin. She's sitting cross-legged, hair mussed and still in her pajamas, having clearly just woken up. She's also wearing a cardigan that some parties may recognize as being pilfered from a certain new werewolf arrival's room, but she's not talking about that right now. She's smiling, and she looks pretty sleepy...but she also looks pretty darn happy.]

Morning, Bargees. [She grins, wrinkling her nose cutely.] I haven't really checked in with peeps since port, so I just wanted to see how everyone was doing.

[She pauses, her expression still soft, but...a little more sober.]

I guess...I don't know, I've just been kind of thinking. A warden arrived recently that...made me stop to appreciate how lucky I am to have my pack here. See, werewolves in my world? They're stronger in packs, literally. And wolves without a pack? They're called Omegas. It's...the worst thing in the world a wolf can be. Alone, friendless...clawing, fighting to survive every day. And I hate to think that anyone on this ship...could be an Omega.

So...if this ship is a pack? Then no matter how alone you are, I'm your packmate. Warden, inmate, my door's always open. And it's not, like, pity or anything, or even sympathy, it's...I care. I really do.

[The sudden earnestness in her face is real, because she's having another of those moments she tries to hide from the pack: where she feels the weight of her own mortality. Her friends are going to save her, but...she's still sort of scheduled to die.

So are they all...and the sudden revelation makes her chest tight as she realizes that nobody, not anyone, deserves to be alone should the end ever come. Even on the Barge, where it can come a hundred times.

Allison will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen.]

[Private - Vergil]

Hey, Vergil! No biggie, I just wanted to see how you were doing. We didn't really get to talk much after port, did you have fun?

[Pack Filter]

Haven't talked to any of you much since Isaac got here, but...you all know Isaac got here, right? And yes, Isaac, I know you can see this. I just...want everyone to be on the same page.

[She pauses, taking a deep breath as she carefully keeps her face schooled into happy, fond lines. She has to hide the weight of the emotion she's feeling. She has to make sure that none of them see that maybe a rough day is coming for her, one where she might need to be alone to either cry or scream or just stare at the passing stars on deck and let silent tears of pure gratitude slide down her cheeks.

The worst, the most visceral, the most intense parts of dealing with her impending demise, she will do alone.]

And I wanted to tell you guys that I love you.

[That's it. That's the message...because they need to hear it. Every day, every second, until they're sick of it...so just in case, just in case, they will be drenched in it for the rest of their lives.

Every day, she's going to tell her pack she loves them...so it will be impossible for them to ever feel her love is missing from their lives if she somehow doesn't come back to life when their deals are fulfilled.]

((pre-dated fourth wall day transmission, because tomorrow morning may be too hectic for me to get this up. :P))

Comments

[yeahscience]

Oh, shit, yo. How many werewolves you got up in the joint right now?

[theresalwayshope]

...a...few? You must be new here.

voice

[chaotica]

To whichever engineer is in charge of this truly delightful drama: much as I love talk of werewolf packs, bestial menstrual symbology aside, I really do have a packed evening, and I'd like a bit of peace and quiet.

voice

[theresalwayshope]

Bestial menstru--what?!? Who is this?

[Private]

[semifreakingnormal]

[He doesn't filter this to the rest of them. He figures she would have said something if she wanted to, and that the least he can do is give her a little privacy. He wants to say, I love you too, but it's so much more complicated now, even' if it's easier to say than it was that first time.]

Are you doing okay, Allison?

[Private]

[theresalwayshope]

Yeah. I'm...I'm okay.

[And that much is true. It's in her smile, in her voice...but there's something heavier behind it.

Because she is okay...but being okay is just hard. It's very, very hard when you're trying to grieve for the loss of your own life.]

[mcpackmama]

[The video just starts playing on her phone and Melissa has no idea what to do. She tries to pause it, but the buttons seem to be gone from the screen. And then she starts to pay attention to what the girl is saying and her eyes tear up.

She doesn't want to ask Scott to figure out what's happening with her phone, she doesn't want him to see this, so she starts pressing buttons again, not realizing she's turned her own camera on.]

[video]

[theresalwayshope]

[When the feed switches on, for a second it doesn't register. Slowly, though, the silent face showing on her screen, with tear-filled eyes and an urgency in her features, finally clicks.]

...Mrs. McCall? Is that you?

[semifreakingnormal]

[The camera flickers on, and he feels the strongest gush of - of joy, and homesickness, and love, and - that sort of rabbit punch to the gut he gets whenever he hears her cry, and it doesn't matter, he has to turn on his feed and smile at her.]

Mom!

[strangehistorian]

Oh. That's a very beautiful sentiment.

...It appears the communicator network is malfunctioning.

[yeahscience]

Malfunctioning my ass, yo.

[theresalwayshope]

Thanks! I just...call it like I see it, you know?

...wait, malfunctioning?

[BFF Filter]

[lydiascreams]

I love you, too.

[And Lydia can tell how emotional Allison is right now. It makes her own chest tight. But she's grateful because in a way, she hopes it helps Allison realize how they feel about her and how much she means to them. She hopes it helps her understand just how lost and broken Lydia felt without her.]

I take it that things have been going well since Isaac showed up?

[BFF Filter]

[theresalwayshope]

I love you more.

[There are Good Days and Bad Days since learning about her death. Good Days, she does get it. She feels how loved she is, she lives in gratitude, and she accepts her fate to live or die as her friends work to save her life.

Bad Days, there is only the guilt over failing. Being too slow, letting herself get killed...breaking the people she loves the most, the days she realizes how little she deserves any of them. She's often slow to reply to messages on days like that, or forgets to bring her comm with her when she heads to the gym, the range, or the CES to run until she can't breathe.

The only thing that doesn't change is her actions: Good Day or Bad Day, she would always do the same thing...she will always save her best friend. She will always stand with Scott. She will always save Isaac.

She will always protect Stiles.

She has a feeling today could, potentially, be a Bad Day, so she's trying not to let it be. That means when Lydia asks about Isaac, she shrugs casually...a smile tugging at her lips and a blush creeping up her cheeks.]

They've been all right...

same filter

[walkthedarkpath]

I did in fact, I do enjoy nature at times. And as things stand I am well.

Yourself?

same filter

[theresalwayshope]

I'm good! I had a lot of fun...even ran into some of the natives. They sent me home with presents, it was the weirdest and most awesome vacation I ever had.

What kind of stuff did you do? Did you get to meet the natives?

[gottohaveacode]

[Allison will now be treated to a rather unimpressed-if-faintly-amused familiar face. What are you up to NOW.]

Please tell me you've taken up drama and are practicing for a new play I've never heard of.

[theresalwayshope]

[Allison's world comes crashing to a halt when the familiar face fills her screen. It's strange, but he looks somehow younger than he did when she left Beacon Hills, younger than she imagined he would look after...

Her eyes get glassy and wide as she swallows thickly, not able to let herself think too hard about whether he's a warden or an inmate. It doesn't matter, not right now.]

...Dad?

Warden!Dean

[surfaceshine]

Wow. Where the hell was all this give a damn when I was there?

[It's a little sappy for Dean's tastes, but he's smirking his approval anyway.]

I mean, there were werewolves, but holy shit.

Warden!Dean

[theresalwayshope]

...say what? I...Dean, did...are you home?

Private

[voluntaryapnea]

Hey.

[He offers her a small smile, not really buying the act but not planning to say anything about it either. What can he say? He can apologize -- again, for his role in her death. But he knows she doesn't blame him. Knows she doesn't want him blaming himself. He's struggling with it, and that'll probably never not be something he struggles with, even when she's safe and firmly in the alive category back home. Because even if he changes his deal, even if he survives all of it, he's still going to know. He's still going to remember.]

Love you too. [His words are quiet, and they feel awkward because he's not used to saying those words to anyone except his dad and that's...been awhile.]

Private

[theresalwayshope]

I know.

[Her words are equally quiet, gentle and firm, and just for a second some of that heaviness leaves her demeanor.

Because she gets it. She and Stiles have never been as close as the rest of them, they aren't as free with their affection...but he's here for her, and that matters. It also says everything he's never spoken aloud, and it's all she really needs.

When Allison says it, it's for her to say it, and them to know it. It's nothing that demands response, nor does it require reciprocation. She's not Scott or Lydia to him, she never will be...but he matters, more than he'll ever understand.

Telling him that is important. And in those two words, in that gentle smile, she silently lets him know that he doesn't have to say anything, ever.

He's here. What else could he possibly add to that?]

[rintintin]

I've seen a lot of weird stuff, doll, but werewolves? Really?

[Hi Allison, seem familiar? c8]

[theresalwayshope]

...werewolves. Really.

[Seems very familiar...is Bucky playing some kind of joke?...]

Which you'd know, like maybe not to call me 'doll?'

[thejazzpolice]

Putting aside the talk of ships and ports and wardens - we'll come back to that, trust me - werewolves? I only just got used to the idea of bloody vampires.

[...]

Are they the 'change-into-your-actual-wolf' kind or the 'actually-still-pretty-humanoid' kind?

[theresalwayshope]

Um...mostly the latter, occasionally the former?

[So many unfamiliar faces that are not on the Barge, so little time...]

I don't believe I caught your name. Or whether or not you're actually on this ship...

[twicedrowned]

[ Hey. Allison. Here's an ALL too familiar face. ]


...Allison?

[theresalwayshope]

[The moment his image comes up on screen, the color drains from Allison's face so fast it leaves her feeling vaguely sick.]

Oh, God...

Private

[freezerburns]

[Like the rest of them, he keeps this just between himself and Allison. He can't quite remember if he'd actually said I love you to her before taking the electricity that landed him in hospital. It's not always easy for him to navigate or articulate his own emotions, but this one is true and it's strong. Even though he knows she knows, maybe he hasn't actually said it to her before and losing her once was enough to make him want to make sure she hears it from him.]

Hey, I love you too.

Private

[theresalwayshope]

[Hearing it from the rest of the pack is one thing, but from Isaac...

They've never even actually been on a date.

What she had with Isaac has always been baffling and intense, and it's never been labeled. He's simply always there, always present and steady and faithful. He's not a friend, he isn't her boyfriend, and he's not a trophy like Lydia's conquests.

They're...tethered. Linked, bound...something beyond her and Scott, something vital.

She cares for him, but saying those words means more for them. She knows he means them, she feels it in her marrow...but for her to say it back, to Isaac...]

...I love you.

[She blinks, startling herself...but she means it. There's no fear or regret, she does love him. In what degree, she doesn't know yet...but it's not the love of a friend or a brother. It's not the love she had for Scott...but it's present and it's real, and now that he's here with her, she can see it: bright, new, and infinitely precious.

Maybe there isn't a label for what they are, but maybe that doesn't matter. She will never take it back, and the realization makes her smile.]

I love you, Isaac.

[video]

[notsoneedy]

That's sweet. It's probably something I could have used hearing when I first got here, and there are no doubt people that could use with hearing it now.

[Needy's in a good mood - she really liked that last port, and she feels more 'at home' here now, for a certain value of home. Mostly because she knows she's got friends.]

[video]

[theresalwayshope]

Hey, when you spend a few days running around with sentient teddy bears? You start to feel a little warm and fuzzy.

[Needy's good mood is something Allison could use, so she tries to latch onto it and smiles, laughing just a little before suddenly perking up and grabbing her comm, keeping the feed steady as she climbs out of bed.]

Ooh! Check this out! Hang on...

[Walking away from her bed, Allison turns the comm to show off the fact that she's put some things on display over her bed...specifically, the handmade weapons the natives gifted her with before they left the village. The bow has a special place of honor in the center, with the animal hide quiver full of handmade and hand-fletched arrows slung beside it from a hook she put in the wall.]

Look what I did! [She singsongs the words, then spins the comm back to face her, where she's grinning.] Neat, huh?

[kirachu]

[ well she knows what the Barge is by now, and the whole ..timey wimey space thing, but it's still kind of a shock to see Allison on her laptop screen, and not just because of the obvious ]

Hey, Allison.

[ small wave!!! kind of awkward!! but she's not sure she'll ever get the chance to talk to her again so she's not about to let her own weird shyness ruin it ]

-- Does everybody know about werewolves, where you are? I mean, that's a thing?

[theresalwayshope]

[Allison's features register raw shock, but she's actually thrilled to see Kira. She's just startled...and grateful...and suddenly, weirdly homesick in a way she doesn't even feel for talking to her dad.

Kira's different, Kira's...she's the one Scott has back home now. She'll make him happy, keep him safe, and knowing her, trusting her with Scott, makes her as important to Allison as anyone.]

Yeah! I mean...more or less. [She blinks, then shakes her head, a little smile finally forming.] I mean...Kira.

[The little smile grows to a warm, real one.] Hi.